5 trucs pour aider mon ado à avoir plus confiance en lui
La confiance en soi à l’adolescence est souvent un point que l’on doit encourager et travailler.
C’est à partir de cette confiance qu’il va avoir envie d’aller de l’avant, d’essayer de nouveaux projets et surtout d’avoir le goût de continuer à grandir car il se fera assez confiance pour savoir qu’il pourra affronter les nouvelles responsabilités qui arriveront inévitablement dans sa vie.
Quand je rencontre des adolescents en consultation, ce qui revient souvent, c’est qu’ils ont hâte de grandir car ils vont avoir plus de liberté, mais en contrepartie, il ont la chienne de devoir faire face à leurs responsabilités!
Il me vient alors quelques questionnements concernant l’éducation qu’on leur donne :
« Est-ce que nous les préparons à avoir et gérer des responsabilités? Visiblement non! »
« Est-ce que le modèle de vie d’adulte qu’on leur donne est enviable? Ont-ils hâte d’y arriver » Visiblement non!
« Qu’est-ce qu’on peut faire pour changer cette vision chez eux? »
Voici quelques pistes qui pourront sûrement vous aider à améliorer certaines situations
Que faut-il éviter ?
- Le surprotéger
- Sous prétexte qu’on ne veut pas qu’ils vivent des situations tristes, blessantes ou stressantes, ou je ne sais pas trop quoi de désagréable… Et la vie alors? Vous ne croyez pas que c’est bien qu’ils soient mis en contact avec ces situations pour apprendre à bien les gérer? Comment va-t-il faire quand ça lui arrivera la première fois si vous n’êtes pas là pour le guider et le conseiller?
- Le contrôler
- Vouloir tout contrôler vous vaudra probablement une méga crise d’adolescence où votre ado aura envie de « péter sa chaîne » comme on dit. Trop contrôler équivaut à lui faire sentir que vous ne lui faites pas assez confiance pour le laisser décider et agir comme il l’entend. Rendu à l’adolescence, il est sage de le contrôler de moins en moins. Lui laisser vivre ses expériences est très salutaire pour lui. Ça le prépare à la vraie vie et ça le confronte à trouver lui-même des solutions pour les situations dérangeantes qu’il vit. ET C’EST TRÈS SAIN!
- Avoir des attentes irréalistes envers lui
- Quoi de plus stressant pour un jeune que de devoir essayer de répondre aux attentes de son parent si ce n’est pas vraiment ce qu’il veut? Il devra alors choisir entre vous faire plaisir et se mettre de côté, ou se choisir et vous décevoir. Dans les deux cas, il sera perdant. Le mieux, je crois, est de discuter avec lui et le respecter dans ses choix. De cette façon, il saura que vous le respectez, que vous lui faites confiance et que vous serez là s’il a besoin. Quel beau cadeau à lui offrir!

COMMENT FAIRE POUR L’AIDER?
- Aidez-le à devenir moins dépendant de vous
- Oh… j’entends déjà des mamans et des papas poules me dire « Oui mais moi là-dedans? Je ne veux pas le perdre!! Que vais-je devenir si mon enfant n’a plus besoin de moi? » Et bien je ne veux pas être porteuse de mauvaises nouvelles, mais c’est votre rôle de l’aider à devenir autonome et qu’il vous laisse un peu pour vivre sa vie. Ne lui mettez pas la charge de prendre soin de vos besoins, c’est vous l’adulte et c’est lui l’enfant, alors agissez ainsi!
- Incitez-le à vivre différentes expériences variées
- En le confrontant à expérimenter de nouvelles expériences, vous l’aidez à agrandir sa zone de confort et il prendra de l’expérience de vie! Vous ne voulez pas que votre ado soit anxieux à essayer de nouvelles choses et que ça l’empêche de profiter de belles opportunités. Alors faites comme la maman oiseau et poussez votre oisillon hors du nid! Vous lui montrerez ainsi à voler!
- Respectez ses choix
- Rendu à l’adolescence, je crois que notre rôle en tant que parent est de respecter les choix de notre ado tout en lui émettant notre point de vue sur le sujet afin de lui faire voir les côtés positifs et négatifs de sa décision… Au cas ou il n’y aurait pas pensé! Mais attention, mettez la manipulation de côté, vous devez être objectif! Et s’il prend une décision et que vous n’êtes pas d’accord, vous avez le droit de vous exprimer mais je vous suggère de quand même le laisser faire. Au pire, vous serez là s’il avait vu trop grand et ce sera une belle façon de lui exprimer votre soutien. Quelle belle façon pour lui de vous faire confiance, et vice-versa!
- Voir et accepter ses erreurs comme des situations pour apprendre
- Arrêtez de vouloir la perfection pour vos ados, voyez leurs « échecs » comme des opportunités pour eux d’évoluer et de grandir et accueillez-les à bras ouverts!
- Être fiable afin qu’il vous fasse confiance
- Il est certain que si votre ado ne peut pas vous faire confiance, la relation commence assez mal je dirais! Vous devez prêcher par l’exemple, sans quoi il pourrait bien vous copier… Les enfants apprennent en modélisant leur parents et les gens dans leur entourage.
En conclusion, si vous voulez augmenter la confiance de votre ado (autant envers lui-même qu’envers vous), vous devez créer des occasions qui vous y mèneront.
Personnellement, j’aime mieux que mes ados se « plantent » en étant des ados, qu’à 40 ans! La pente est moins difficile à remonter. On s’attend à ce que les jeunes fassent des erreurs et des bêtises. Je dirais que c’est moins bien vu et accepté quand on est adulte. La jeunesse est un cadre parfait pour expérimenter et vos ados doivent le comprendre! (et vous aussi)…
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